OOO SHIT SOMEONE JUST GOT DUMPED!!!

When you're in love you are a fucking loser. However, you can over come this loserness with experience. Right now i'm in love with someone but, with past events, i am not a fucking douche. My friend, from awesome, no care, foolish man to a BITCH! Love filled faggot. He's changed so much i'm going to punch him in the face and tell him to get back in business.

Love is the only thing to balance out me. But of course too much is not healthy. How much is healthy for me? Without someone to to actually care about makes me pessimistic. When i don't care, i don't care about anyone. When i do care about someone, i care about everyone else. Balance, someone to care about but i'm NOT going to look for someone.

I'm fucking pissed. Like on monday i'm swear i'm going to kill everyone of those grade 11's. I was the victim of a sick prank i saw coming but i didn't stop it from happening. I played along but to an extent of sincere kindness. Fuck those fuckers. I swear i'm going to kill those guys. Fuck, right now this is sincere shit. I swear, this is fucked up. From this i swear, people like this shouldn't be alive. I swear they should be gone from life. They are failures. Fuck them.

My stupid little nephew whos only in gr 6 is speaking words about a guy, like she's already in high school. I really want to get her out of it but i know i can't help everyone, and it's her feelings. Since her mentality is quite retarded, all those "guys" are so damn immature that soon to be, she'll be hurt from her own damn stupidity. As a caring Uncle, i had already explained to her to have fun as a kid, and not to ruin your life with this. This led to an almost insanity, someone's suicide, hatred, everything you could think of, led to that because of love. But what about me now, since something's been stuck in my head for so long. its possible to get out of it, after my horrendous summer of surprise, i think i can surpass what i've done and keep a smooth mind to it and keep control of my body, mind and soul.

I remembered what my teacher was talking about. About the chemical influence on your feelings and emotions. Whats crush or not. What is it for? It's stupid just to think that the only reason behind that is to continue our species. It's true but it's a truth i don't want to keep in my head.
Ever so recently....i don't know. If its just something small..then it'll go away. But it's going a bit far... very far. I don't know, it's in my head once i go to sleep. And it's there still i go to school. Really unusal.

The ignorance of people leads to the destruction of our land. Ever so slowly all the activity we do is leading to the slow melting of our land which may lead to mass flooding....nothing like waterworld..down't worry. It really got me scared since in my opinion we've gone to far to go back and our only future is that. With Al Gore preaching about truths and a bit false, he should instead concentrate only on protecting what we have than warning them about the past.

I just recognized, i haven't posted any guitar yet....it's on my facebook...

Look at it, media controls every aspect of our reality. The writers are on strike and ever so slowly you can watch the fabric of the urban world crumble in front of your eyes. First your favorite sitcoms. Then everything your entertainment stands for. The big boys are forced to follow the writers demands since they won't make any money. I remember the convosation I had with my cousin. In context, the writers are the most important person second to the director. The writer is the mind behind the show. Before, they just got their ideas bought and they are thrown in the street. As my cousin said, they deserve more. The deserve the pay just below the director but instead their pay is low.

now if you haven't noticed, the site express through reality has just drifted away from the original idea of "expressing through reality". Do i plan going back on being the deep soulful or stick to the typical angry, hating people blogger? I don't know, i really hate a lot of people in the world so this phase is gonna take a while

Shit, music has gone into a new level. After a night jamming with my kuya and a bunch of choir member, it was pretty cool. Did some improv. Just today he emailed me to see if i'm interested to play with some guitarist from japan. Like just to come over and jam. Of course i say yes. Think about it. I love japanese culture including the music and people who are from japan who like the bands i like are gonna come over (hehe pillows song) and jam. God damn man, this is too aweseom

Easily that last post was me being crazy, well umm yeh relationships are stupid, wait till your older.

ARGHH, jesus fucking christ, like just kill yourself right now since your mind is obviously fucked to the core with that damn guy. Two days ago i remember, it's best for you to stay out of it then BAM a day later you fuck yourself over and go back with him. 6 times of bullshit. OMFG, like i'm about to smack her striaght in the side of the head and say, "that smack should set your brain in the proper place". Shit fuck, get it through your damn head and stick with your damn decision that you know is right. Obviously you are just plain fucking weak just to not move on. What happens with you future now? What living your life being depressed over a guy who doesn't deserve you feeling? What now? Would you kill yourself over him because your heart cannot Be "put back together?" Bullshit, you are an idiot, a failure at life. A bigger failure than that stupid girl i thought was the one. Fuck shit.

Man....After his death, i look at it and i think, TWICE, i was that close. Twice. I could've easily been gone from here. Twice. Now i'm forced to watch one soo close to me go a similiar way. Down. Straight down. One cannot control one's feelings. He had hurt her deep twice, and she was on the verge of breaking down. Luckily enough, with little help from me and her own determination she pulled out of it. One girl i had once loved, i can't distinguish truth or false from her. It's difficult to pull the truth out of her. I tried, but you know parents, especially asian parents stopped me. I called and called but what's the use. The third day someone picked up, said on the other line, not here, was she actually not there? I can't trust it but i'll take that word. Twice i think again, the same path. After my realization, i face people who i care about going through similar. I want to do something but how? How do i help them. Ones i treasure....how do i save them? I really want to, i really would sacrifice everything i have just for them. What do i do know? What hope do i have to help?

Our fellow brother has taken his own life today. I met him during rugby, my senior Hooker i had to follow. With him we won the championship. In the last game I faced off against him. I knew little of him but enough to have a connection. Another year of Rugby would be appreciated since we both would've again faced off. A harsh reality that humanity is forced to faced. The death of a fellow friend has such affect no matter the relationship you had with them. Always saviour the relationship you have with anyone you know. Always keep them close and never ever let go.





R.I.P Chris Gyles

You cannot give up more than once on the same thing. One person i see, claims to give up but when she has, i see her again giving up on the exact same thing she gave up on. Life she has given up on. If she has, why is she still here eh? Why hasn't she given up when she god damn standing? You give up on this one thing....you are a failure at your OWN LIFE!!! At such a young age someone was able to accomplish that...soo sad.